Ed. — Archived from the Sunday, July 21, print edition.
VIRGINIA BEACH — My grandparents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary when I was in graduate school. We held a small family celebration at their favorite local restaurant with a cake afterward at their basement bar. While I danced with my grandfather to some country tune playing on the jukebox, he said, “You are one great granddaughter.”
I suppose he felt this way because I showed so much interest in the family history, which came alive in my grandparents’ home — in furniture, photos, collectibles and stories. The stories were by far the most entertaining part of my family’s past, sprinkled as they were with unruly characters, exotic places and outlandish acts. However, the most important aspect of the tales was the wisdom an older generation imparted in hindsight.
I’ve always had an affinity for the older generations. I liked going to see my great aunts and uncles when I was a young girl. Their homes seemed populated with people even when only a few family members lived in one place. These “old” people were only in their early sixties then, close to my age now. They knew the stories of many generations and could spout off places and names without missing a beat. Sometimes, I itched to be free from a battered kitchen table lined with story. Yet, I recall sitting mesmerized by my relatives’ expressive aging faces as they shared childhood memories.
My grandparents told their life stories in letters sent back and forth while I was away at school studying the relationship between family folklore and identity. I’d write with a specific question about their younger days and then tell them about my life. They’d answer with a story that addressed my queries and mirrored my situation.
They never identified a relationship between my experiences and their stories, but that relationship was always there, written between the lines. Their stories had a lesson for me if only I would listen.
After my grandparents passed and during the early years of my teaching career, I sought the wisdom of the older generations in a senior memoir group I ran at a local bookstore in New Jersey. The group met monthly to share their stories written in response to a prompt. Each member would share their story, and the rest would give constructive criticism for improvement.
Often, a story would morph into a discussion about what was happening in the world while their little piece of history played out. We’d explore national politics, social issues, and popular culture of the day. Customers wandering by us would stop and listen, their purchases on hold, their attention rapt. Something about how these older people carried the past made younger people like me feel unburdened by it.
I think about these older people as I listen to the discussions of age today – in the news, on social media, and at the family dinner table. It may be because I’m getting older that I want to call out the value of age. But it’s more than that.
Dr. Kavita Patel, a columnist for MSNBC, wrote, “Our desire to live longer is difficult to reconcile with society’s treatment of people who manage to do it.”
Indeed, we often treat those of a “ripe old age” as insubstantial, their contributions obsolete. I’m guilty of this myself. While running for City Council, I criticized the incumbent for aging in place. I still believe in passing the torch, but I also know there’s much to be learned from the hand holding it — if we’d only stay long enough for them to share it.
Lately, I’ve corresponded with an old friend I worked with on a city committee years ago. We email about planning items that catch our attention and concern us about Virginia Beach’s future.
He’s my late father’s age and reminds me of my dad in many ways, not the least of which is his wry sense of humor and superior intellect. His witty commentaries almost always make me laugh — or think deeply about a hot topic — and are rich in the kind of wisdom my father and grandparents often shared.
After our last set of emails, I asked myself, “What is it about these old people in my life?”
Now, I think I have the answer. They know more than most people my age, and they sure tell a good story.
With what’s been happening in the world today, we’d do well to pay attention.
The author is a former Virginia Beach Planning Commissioner and college professor. Reach her at leejogger@gmail.com.
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