Ed. — From the Sunday, Nov. 5, print edition.
VIRGINIA BEACH — One of the things my parents had in common was managing life through platitudes regularly repeated and passed to their children. My father had many favorites. The one I recall him reiterating was, “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”
He wrote this frequently in letters to my son and me about things we had shared with him, seeking his advice. My mother also has several sayings she relies upon to help herself and us through trying times. Her most oft-repeated phrase to me has been, “Trust, the future is friendly.”
These phrases have shaped my life, helping me release the past and face the future with eager anticipation.
They can also anchor us as our country deals with the aftermath of another mass shooting.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I get so caught up in my life that I don’t pay much attention to the news. That was the case this past week when the Lewiston tragedy hit the airwaves. I was readying my house for a sale inspection, too self-absorbed to look at the TV when the first of many horrific images peppered the screen.
It wasn’t until the following morning that I registered what happened. The first thought that crossed my mind was, “Again?”
Then I considered how numb we’ve become to these terrible tragedies. This is not because we don’t care. I’d venture to say most of us do.
Nor is it because we think mass shootings and tragedies like them only happen “to other people in other towns.” We don’t. Virginia Beach residents and the families and friends of those killed or injured during the Friday, May 31, 2019, municipal center mass shooting know from experience that this is not true.
Numbness is a kind of protection and an abdication. If we can protect ourselves from feeling about a tragedy, we can put it out of our minds. We can move on if we can forget.
I know this is not what my father meant when he cautioned against dwelling in the past.
My father’s phrase urges us to keep moving forward. We can be stunned by what’s happened, but we must not be paralyzed. The past is a lesson for future decisions.
And this is where my mother’s adage comes in.
Mass shootings have altered the way many of us live. They are a constant reminder that nothing is promised, not even the next minute.
For some of us, this has meant living more fully, taking more chances and attacking with abandon those bucket list items that keep adding up. Others have become more fearful of strangers, large crowds and gathering places.
The problem is that, in either case, the future is a foreboding unknown.
The choice is either live today like there’s no tomorrow or cut yourself off from the life around you. It’s a dichotomous way of thinking shaped by these recurring collective tragedies. It contradicts my mother’s counsel that we trust in an uncertain future, actively addressing past mistakes and making plans we intend to see through.
In some ways, our resignation is understandable. It’s hard to imagine a future when nothing is done to ensure the past doesn’t repeat itself. The tragedy of another mass shooting is as much a matter of the losses as it is a matter of the fact very little has changed to ensure that the way we live because of them makes a difference.
My husband and I sat quietly last Sunday watching CBS Sunday Morning’s report on the Maine shooting. We discussed what could or should be done to prevent such a thing from happening again. We wondered at our helplessness.
Yet, the lesson of my parents’ platitudes kept coming back to me.
To put an end to mass shootings, we must elect leaders who prioritize this issue, whether they’ve been personally affected by it or not, and work toward solutions that utilize past lessons to create a better future for all of us.
Election Day is an opportunity to do just that.
The author is a former Virginia Beach Planning Commissioner and college professor. Reach her at leejogger@gmail.com.
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