BY JOHN-HENRY DOUCETTE
BACK BAY — Usually, I can tell from the way someone glances at my hat that they are about to ask about Tom Brady’s departure from the New England Patriots in favor of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
For those who do not know, the Patriots represent the American marketing industry’s love of the American consumer’s love of America. Meanwhile, the Buccaneers inexplicably celebrate piracy on the high seas while participating in a nonaquatic game.
Also, these are both pro football teams.
Brady still is a great quarterback. What quarterbacks do is take this thing from a guy and throw it to some other guy who wears matching clothes. And, as in any American endeavor, the ability to connect A to C means B gets some money.
It’s been months since Brady changed teams, but people here in Virginia keep asking me about the guy. This includes some folks I do not know and others who do not understand prioritizing during a pandemic. So a few thoughts follow about Brady, the Pats and my hat.
► I enjoy football and, when I am engaged in watching other people play it, I prefer the New England Patriots organization, regardless of its personnel changes, because I grew up in Rhode Island. In comparison, I deeply love breaded foods. Also, my family.
► Brady and I speak just as frequently now as we did when he played for the Pats, and we both seem fine with this arrangement.
► The team does not pay me to wear the hat. I bought it when I was visiting Rhode Island. Maybe the Pats got a taste of the sale, but I did not follow up. Despite stuff I say on certain Sundays, I am not an official compensated spokesperson for the team, Kraft Group or related subsidiaries of either.
► I hope Brady will weather the economic downturn and continue to play football with other millionaires. Fingers crossed.
► As a middle-aged person who works in print journalism, I applaud anybody who can switch horses at Brady’s age.
► The Pats have done more winning than any team or its fans deserve. I am old enough to remember the rarity of a Pats victory and a childhood-ruining thing the Chicago Bears did in 1986. After that mess, everything since our first Super Bowl win in 2002 is gravy.
► Chances are, I am doing better about Brady leaving the Pats than is my Aunt Dot. As my Uncle Jack one explained while the Miami Dolphins were not losing badly enough, Aunt Dot forgets the people playing against the Patriots are professional football players, too.
► I don’t care if Brady and President Trump are pals. There are more important things to care about involving Trump, and Brady is not running for reelection. That is good news for the GOP. If the presidential doctors are telling the truth, Trump may have better mobility outside the pocket.
► Florida has Cuban coffee. That’s a win for Brady. However, there are other things about Florida that are not Cuban coffee.
► I am not going to call my Aunt Dot and ask about Brady, and neither should you.
► The Pats hat is meant to keep rain off my glasses and hide changes to my hairline over a period of time that roughly corresponds with Brady’s NFL career.
► I may get a new hat before the fall that says: ASK ME ABOUT THE RED SOX.
► I pray the Brady-led Bucs play just as well as that team did in 1976. Amen.
If the Pats want to sponsor my hat, reach me via firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks for reading.
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